Jess (mandycrowe) wrote,

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Not really sure...

I'm not really sure why I'm writing now... Mos' prob because I have 2 papers to do (one mini pape, overdue by 3 days) and one LARGE pape (overdue by 3 months). Yeah, I am that good. Also, I have a book to read, which I began reading two days ago, and it is actually quite interesting... but I am feeling guilty about reading it when I have an overdue paper(s) to write... Oh, that book.... is due tomorrow. :\

So here's a thought.... I know this is crazy, but I am actually thinking... *maybe* of auditioning for American Idol next season. I mean, if I don't have anything serious on the audition dates, and if one of the audition locations is somewhere in a Northeast..... I think I should go. Maybe if I could somehow get a group of close friends to come with me, we could make it like, a road trip. Stay in a hotel room for a few nights (sing a "Hotel Song" and write on some "Hotel Paper".... ;) ), and take turns driving, if it is like, more than a 3-hour drive away. I just think it would be really fun, and it would give me an opportunity actually to audition. I mean, if I made it... to Simon, Randy and Paula- great! If I made it further, superb! But if not, hey, I had a road trip with friends, good times, good memories, and prob good pix knowing me... and I had one more audition experience.

I dunno... I just feel like even though this music therapy thing has def become a reality for me and a dream of mine, it is not my only dream. I have many more... I actually began to make a life list (a la Ellen), and I have over 100 dreams/things I wish to accomplish before I die. Some are def reasonable, and I know will happen. Others are a reach, but I am sure I can accomplish a good deal of those... Still others, are way way waaaaaaay above my level. But I wrote them down anyways, because I believe in reaching for the stars.

I mean, gaining stardom from American Idol is not exactly my "dream" dream.... But I mean, let's face it. What other opportunities for getting noticed do I really have? Open mics here, but no one will go with me because no one lives near me... So those are out. Plus, they might get old after a while. I dunno. I don't know anyone who owns a record label..... yet. And I have tried recording my songs on my computer, but the quality is crap... and you can prob hear some member of my family shouting in the background, or some dog yapping, or a police car buzzing.... I just basically want an opportunity to record a CD, sell it to enough people so that I can pocket some money, and give the rest to some sort of charity or good cause (I haven't decided what yet...), and more importantly, I just really want a chance to touch people's lives. Which of course, means that I kind of just made a full circle here, because with music therapy I obv would be touching people's lives with my music.... Just... in a different way. So I don't know. Both are appealling... in their own ways. I dream of both.... and more. Climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro, for instance. Meeting Danielle Rose.... Getting married..... Having kids..... Being the musical guest on Ellen..... Making a religious/spiritual pilgrimage.... Learning how to play bar chords on guitar without complaining about my stupid non-bendy thumb which seriously messes that up for me (now that I am actually trying)........ Touching people's lives with my music.

...Being an instrument of God.

It is Lent, and honestly... I am thankful.
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1) Jess, I love you so please don't take offense to what I'm about to say. PLEASE ask your doctor about being tested for ADD. I really think that could be what causes your procrastination issue and you're such a smart person that you've been able to still shine.

2) I know they have had Idol auditions at Gillette stadium before. Even if they are further away than that, let me be the 1st to volunteer to join your idol audition road trip. You're amazingly talented and I'd love to support you!

3) You name the night and I'm there to support you at an open mike.

4) You should ask my friend Skippy about recording. He's gotten some pretty good quality recordings for his band and I think he told me last time I saw him that he worked with Dan on recording stuff for the films he's working on.

5) Did I mention you're one of the most unbelievably gifted people I know? You're a total package: talent, brains, beauty, and genuine caring for others. You are an amazing gift to the world.

6) I want to be there for the Ellen show.

7) I miss you!!!!
Omg. I am getting your ass onto American Idol if it's the last thing I do, just so eventually, you can be the musical guest on Ellen. Because that would be awesome.
You are so going to be on American Idol. I will be there to cheer you on!

And I SO told you freshman year that you should go into music therapy!